My life.

2009-01-07T21:03:00.000-08:00

Well another year has come. Things around here have been getting worse. Unemployment is going to get cut off soon, and I still need to find a job. I'm not sure what is worse, the worry of or the fact that we will be broke soon. Yeah I know God is great and He has taken care of us, but...... I still think.
Is thinking such a bad thing? Yeah I should have more faith in every aspect of my life, but I don't. It's been a rough 40 years. I have had to sweat from 16 on up to now to get where I am and keep what I have. Well I'm still looking for that job. Once again I get screwed and have to get back into trucking. It's not what I want to do, but it's what I know, and I hate it. I have the money for the education. It's there, but so are the bills. So as the days go on I get more resentful and hate life more and more. I know that everyday is something that we need to rejoice in, but come on can a guy get a break? I have sacrificed more then anyone that I know to get where I am at, but it's still not enough.
So what next. Where do I go or who do I turn to? It's a tough question. But I know the answer. I turn to myself. I need to put my family so far ahead of my needs and wants that last place is looks good. I need to forget about school and live with the fact that trucking is going to be my life and my death.
So here's to my family and trucking. Sometime I feel the same about both. Love you all.

Christmas and Christ.

2008-12-24T11:03:00.000-08:00

Well after another birthday has come and gone, now still feel the same. But this year I have a wonderful wife and daughter. I enjoy my "father time" with Aurora. She is growing bigger everyday. I love the time we get to spend together, but it's not all roses. Oh don't get me wrong she is a great kid but....
I guess it's all part of being a father. The early wake up calls from her bed, the changing of the guard when it's play time, or just cuddle time all around. I enjoy it, but then I sometimes don't. Oh yes she is the joy of my life, but I need to get out and have some time away. The short trips to the store, or to get a video are my little times away. I enjoy them and take them whenever I can, but I guess that when she gets older things will change. Mindi and I will get our room back, Aurora will eat solid food, and life will be great. Lol. I must wake up from my dream.
As Christmas comes and I'm still looking for a job I'm looking outside of California for a better way of life for my family. It just scares me when I think of moving. Selling everything off, packing the rest, and running away for a job. What about the family we have left behind? Do they count in all this. Will Aurora ever see my family again? I know most will never come to see us where ever we land, but I still wonder. What will life throw at us if we do move. It has been on my heart for sometime now. I don't want to, but I think God does, so we must.
The only thing I can hope for is that my family will understand. I need a job, and I want away. I want away from my family. I want my rules and my family, but being so close to them, miles wise, I can't. But how far does guilt travel? I may soon find out.
Until then have a great Christmas and a awesome New year.

First Blog.

2008-12-17T20:50:00.000-08:00

Well this is my first blog. I have looked at others but this is my first time setting it up and starting something like this. I am a private person and I really do not like allowing others to looking into my life, but here it goes.
I really enjoy reading other blogs that my peeps post. It's a look into their life and what is going in others homes. My life is some what uninteresting and sometime boring but I do have some things that I can post and keep everyone up on.
My wife, Mindi, and I enjoy raising our daughter together. It has been rough for me because I have been out of work since July 8th. I'm sure it has been rough for Mindi also. Having me around 24/7. I know that I am not the best person to comply with the rules or the house hold, but I try and things still pile up in my little spot. I just hope that Aurora will not get my bad habits of letting things go and not cleaning up, but I am sure that mom will put a quick end to that.
Well I will try and post things as I go so I can explain where I am coming from so you, all those that look at this, will understand my life and what makes me tick. I look forward to hearing from all that read this. Love you. Rusty.